Kids
Views On Love and Romance
"If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long." (Leo, 7)
"No one is sure why it
(love) happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular." (Jan, 9)
"Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good too."
(Greg, 8)
"When a person gets kissed for the first time, they fall down and they don't get up for at least an hour." (Wendy, 8)
"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." (Mike, 10)
"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding." (Jim, 10)
"Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours." (Kally, 9)
"I know one reason that kissing was created. It makes you feel warm all over, and they didn't always have electric heat or fireplaces or even stoves in their houses." (Gina, 8)
"It gives me a headache to think about that
stuff (love & romance). I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble." (Kenny, 7)
"If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful." (Jeanne, 8)
"It isn't always just how you look. Look at me. I'm handsome like anything and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet." (Gary, 7)
"I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when 'The
Simpson's is on television." (Anita, 6)
"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I have been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me." (Bobby, 8)
"I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough." (Regina, 10)
"It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it's just like how their hearts are on fire." (Christine, 9)
"Don't forget your wife's name ... That will mess up the love." (Erin, 8)
"Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash." (Dave, 8)
"Don't say you love somebody and then change your mind ... Love isn't like picking what movie you want to watch." (Natalie, 9)
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"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
- Woody Allen
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Things At The Office That Sound Dirty, But Aren't:
I need to whip it out by 5.
Just stick it in my box.
If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!
I want it on my desk, NOW!!!!
HMMMMMMMM....I think it's out of fluid!
My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish.
It's an entry-level position.
When do you think you'll be getting off today?
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Q: What do men consider housecleaning?
A: Lifting their feet so you can vacuum under them.
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A good friend is like a good bra:
Hard to find, very comfortable, supportive, holds you up when you are down
and always close to the heart.
Doctor's Affair
A doctor was having an affair with his nurse.
Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant.
Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of
money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there.
"But how will I let you know the baby is born? "she asked. He
replied, "Just send me a postcard and write "spaghetti" on
the back. I'll take care of expenses."
Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and
flew to Italy.
Six months went by and then one day the doctor's wife called
him at the office and said, "Dear, you received a very
strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't
understand what it means."
The doctor said, "Just wait until I get home and I will
explain it to you". Later that evening the doctor came home,
read the postcard, fell to the floor with a heart attack.
Paramedics rushed him to the ER. The lead medic stayed back
to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated
the cardiac arrest.
So the wife picked up the card and read, "Spaghetti,
Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and
meatballs, two without."
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"I told my wife that a man is like a fine wine... I always get better with age.
The next day,
she locked me in the wine cellar.
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Two woman were talking about the new hunk in the neighborhood.
"But he acts so stupid," said one to the other. "I think he must have
his brains between his legs." "Yeah," her friend sighed, "but I'd sure
love to blow his mind."
A toast to the newlyweds: May your only ups and downs be between
the sheets.
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"It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married. "
Drew Carey
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One Liners:
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
Love thy neighbor, but make sure her husband is away first.
Man: Rules the roost. Woman: Rules the rooster.
Marry not a tennis player, for love means nothing to them.
My wife's cooking is so bad that we pray after we eat.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.
Wife: Give me some money. I want to buy a bra.
Husband: Why? You have nothing to put in it!
Wife: You wear shorts!
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My darling wife was always glum. I drowned her in a cask of rum, and
so made sure that she would stay, in better spirits night and day.
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